***
secretly I walk to the park
to see
how the crooked apricot
has become a living cloud
of light aroma wind
secretly I walk to breathe
the blossoming of apple
of cherry slightly bitter
secretly
listen to the river’s current –
the ceaseless quarrel of bacteria
with the flow of springtime tropes
secretly
to speak freely with myself –
ordinary
hereditary fear
to see, to breathe, to listen
to speak freely
in my way.
Only the dog walkers will survive
zhanna’s gonna crash
kurban’s gonna snap
anel’s got a bruise
that fits right under her mask
in the grocery a girl in a cap
asks them to keep their distance
a man in a threadbare mask
mutters meanly presses forward
a woman in a hijab
they step aside for
her toddler screaming sputtering
cashier girl in a protective shield
trembling slightly
counts the coins
every night she faintly senses
a ring and rustling past her door
like someone dropped their change
and is picking it up –
the pennies clink
the nickels clink
like they stumbled
and scattered their change –
sweeping it back into piles
relentlessly rustling
sighing past her door
zhanna’s gonna crash
kurban’s gonna snap
anel’s got a bruise
that fits right under her mask
zulya has not stepped outside
even once this month
several times every day
she sterilizes her hands
her shoes mobile phone credit cards
when the doorbell rings
she speaks all nerves
over the intercom with the courier
her groceries are packed up in plastic
the bag was disinfected
as it should be
the guy talks freely, used to this
can you just go over it again
with sanitizer
yeah no problem
but change your gloves please
yeah no problem
and leave my things by the door
no not that close
a little farther
i’ll transfer the money online
zhanna’s gonna crash
kurban’s gonna snap
anel’s got a bruise
that fits right under her mask
galima translates day and night
articles and
summaries
theses
dissertations
from russian to kazakh
to english to german
or vice versa
she edits these writings
nothing has changed
but there are more authors
and they pay an advance
then for hours they mess with your brain
she puts dialogues
with some of them
in the umpteenth volume
of her novel
that nobody
will ever read
about seven ways
the relationship develops
with the man of her dreams
zhanna’s gonna crash
kurban’s gonna snap
anel’s got a bruise
that fits right under her mask
dosan applies for his 42,500
for the fifth time
at dawn everyone’s sleeping
and e-gov is empty
as self-employed
an entrepreneur
unemployed
fired
working remotely
on insta they write
some people got their payments
it takes five times
he runs away early to the park
at twenty past eight
they hose the place down
at half past eight
a whistle disperses
the homeless
pensioners
athletes and
health nuts
assorted freaks
from the yesentai banks
people straggle away
downtown uptown
along city arterials
hungrily inhaling
the mountains’ morning call
to their houses
apartments basements
and lairs
along the alleyways
and the parkways
envying the dogs
and their walkers
zhanna’s gonna crash
kurban’s gonna snap
anel’s got a bruise
that fits right under her mask